For as long as I can remember, I’ve turned to the internet for gift-giving etiquette. How much do I pay to cover my seat at a wedding or give as a gift for a bridal shower? After all, wedding prices have skyrocketed and I want my presence at a wedding to be a blessing and not a financial burden to whoever is getting married. I would type in a complete quick google search and I knew what to give or had a general framework for a range of acceptable giving. Maybe it’s the enneagram one in me (unpopular opinion: I sorta see myself in all the enneagrams) but I long to ‘follow’ the rules and I love clear concrete guidelines.
Then came Covid-19 and the once hard and fast rules I would follow completely crumbled. There isn’t really a seat you’re covering for a virtual wedding, but I still want to give something. I did see a few resources up but I decided to write this blog as another voice of reason on the internet. Also because I sorta disagree with some of what I’ve seen written so far and feel it my personal duty to share my #unpopularopinion.
I decided to reach out to my Instagram followers (follow me on Instagram to participate in future polls!) and get some input on whether their giving would change based on if a wedding was virtual or not. The results were divisive.
I took a screenshot of the poll after posting it the day before and 47% of people said that whether a wedding was virtual or not would change their giving, 53% said that their giving would not change. These results made me wonder: should I send $100 to attend the virtual wedding of someone I’m not super close with? And what if I’m attending a bunch of virtual weddings? $100 here and there doesn’t seem like much but if you attend six weddings this season, you would have spent $600 that you may not have anticipated spending.
Is it now the norm to still give what you normally would in person since some brides and grooms have lost deposits on spaces because of Covid-19? With virtual giving the rules has flipped. You don’t ‘have’ to cover your seat, but maybe you know a couple needs some help and decide to send more. You also technically never had to cover your seat but this is an established norm that always made sense to me because weddings do cost so much. Maybe you are very close to the person who is getting married and had always planned to give a large amount regardless of what your seat would have cost. That doesn’t necessarily have to change now but I’d argue that it can.
I reached out to a few friends of mine who either recently had a virtual wedding or plan to have one in the near future. One friend shared with me that she asked her friends to hold out on any gifts and donate the money they would have spent. In her opinion, it seemed unnecessary because she was not having a large party and was not spending money on which gifts help to offset the cost.
Another friend who just had her virtual wedding told me that she appreciated anything that was given so much more because it wasn’t a wedding in person and giving at all didn’t feel as obligatory. Registry gifts were also the most helpful in her opinion. In terms of actual monetary amount, she received around $50-100 from people around her age and between $50-2000 from others.
Ultimately, I’m learning not to compare what I choose to give to others. Yes, one friend might be giving a gift worth $100 or $150 while I instead choose an item I think the couple would like off of the registry. But what I choose to give in the case of a virtual event is entirely up to me and what someone else wants to give is up to them and may also be influenced by their relationship to the couple.
What are your thoughts on this topic? Do you agree or disagree with me? What is an ‘acceptable’ gift in your opinion? Comment your thoughts down below!